Dumbing Down My Life

I’m awake this morning, but even as sun streams through the windows, I feel dead. Something is wrong with my brain and I don’t like it. There’s no traction to my thoughts. When I try to sit down and write creatively, it doesn’t work. I hate this feeling.

Maybe the problem is caused by the fact that I’m trying improve on too many levels. My wife wants us to lose weight. It’s Spring and we’re supposed to pretty up the yard. It is frowned upon when I write (basically try to write) during the weekend time when my wife is constantly present.

Frustration consumes me at so many levels. I’m supposed to be a nice guy and not get all worked up about people infringing on my space. My wife wants this and that. She constantly rattles on and on about home improvement projects. When I’m exhausted and try to sit, there’s about a million things I’m supposed to be doing instead.

Bring the dog in, feed the cats, pick up poop, hang up wind chimes, drive here and there. Anger simmers just below the surface and I try to keep it down. If I start yelling or slamming things around, that will ruin the weekend. Still, is it so bad to desire something like reading a book? There’s food to cook and groceries to select and purchase at the supermarket. FUCK!

Then just when I’m settling in, I become exhausted and spill my water on the table. Have to clean it up and then sit down, right? Nope! Now the dog needs to go out and my wife has gathered all my things into a pile in the kitchen that I have to sort through for the simple notebook I was writing in.

Down the block, it’s time for the Sunday night party held by those who don’t have to work for a living. They play music from 1977-Disco Classics! “Whompa whompa Awww…YEAH!” It’s not easy to just tuck into writing with all this going on. On TV a young woman marries a man older than her Grandpa and a fresh out of high school kid marries a 50 year old woman. I’m not criticizing. It’s just another distraction and as night falls, I find that I don’t much care.



Brian James Lewis is a poet and writer, who uses the negative energy from his disabilities to create unique stories and poems. His work has appeared in Third Wednesday, The Iconoclast, and multiple times in Trajectory! Brian also reviews books of speculative fiction and poetry for Hellnotes and The Horror Review. On Damaged Skull Writer, Brian reviews more diverse material as well. He has received kudos from Richard Chizmar, Jordan R. Anderson, Pint Bottle Press, and Chris Helvey for his reviews. When he has time, Brian also repairs vintage typewriters and plays guitar. Check Brian out here or say howdy on Twitter!